Take Time To Train Your Kids This Ramadan
Most mothers would tell you that getting their children to do their chores can be an unpleasant experience; one that sometimes ends up with raised voices, power struggles, and emotional disconnect.
In many homes, it is pretty common to hear moms saying:
“How many times do I have to tell you to wipe the dishes when you are done washing?“
or
“Your room is such a mess; go and clean your room now!”
We become exhausted trying to get our kids to consistently do their chores, but their lack of interest may be due to the fact that we have not taken the time to train them for the task.
We can’t expect our children to know what to do and how to do it to our personal standards, if we have not taken the time to train them.
Ramadan is here and of course we receive rewards from Allah (SWT) for cooking, cleaning, and doing our best to support our families so we can experience a wonderful Ramadan together. However, we also want to spend time this month contemplating, building, and strengthening our connection with our Creator.
We want to have the strength to pray every night, wake up for Tahajjud, read the Qur’an and reflect as much as possible so that we emerge from Ramadan with a higher level of imaan and a deeper connection to Allah subhana wa ta’ala.
Take Time for Training is a Positive Discipline tool that employs a teaching strategy to train children and empower them by teaching them important life skills. This article will help you understand how you can implement this Positive Discipline tool in your home this Ramadan so you can breathe easier and also have time to perform the acts of worship you desire.
The Positive Discipline Tool cards by Dr. Jane Nelsen explains the steps of training as follows:
1. Kindly explain the task as you perform it while your child watches you.
2. Do the task together
3. Have your child do it on their own while you supervise
4. When your child feels ready, let them perform the task alone.
We need to be kind, merciful and compassionate towards our children when training them. We have a number of hadiths that spoke about the Prophet’s (pbuh) kindness, mercy and compassion towards children.
Aisha (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said:
“Verily, the most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character and who are most kind to their families.”
[Tirmidhi]
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was most kind and Allah mentioned in the Qur’an that had he been unkind the people would have turned away from him:
“O Messenger of Allah! It is a great Mercy of God that you are gentle and kind towards them; for, had you been harsh and hard-hearted, they would all have broken away from you”
This was exactly how our beloved Prophet (pbuh) taught Islam. He practiced it first, fostered the emotional connection to Allah subhana wa ta’ala through acts of worship and took the time to teach and train the companions in a kind manner. He was neither rigid nor harsh, and his kindness, gentleness and manner of teaching drew people to Islam.
- Avoid these mistakes while training:
- Being impatient or harsh with children
- Putting pressure on the child by overing while the task is being done
- Criticizing how the task is being done
- Offering rewards or payment ot get them to do their chores.
These would take away the opportunity to reinforce what your child has learned and remove the confidence that naturally develops from doing things on their own.
Some tips to implement this Positive Discipline tool in your home this Ramadan:
- Involve your kids in deciding which chores would be allocated to them.
- Ensure the chores they select are developmentally appropriate for their age and in line with their abilities.
- Be clear on your expectations and explain why the chores are important.
- Include the chore into their routine.
- Kindly explain the task as you perform it while your child watches.
- Do the task together.
- Have your child do it on their own while you supervise.
- When your child feels ready, let them perform the task alone.
- Show interest in how your child has done the job and encourage their efforts.
Children learn a lot of important life skills when they participate in household chores that have a great impact when they become adults. Also, taking the time to train our children gives us the opportunity to teach them social and relationship skills such as effective communication, the art of negotiation, and working as a team.
Zuliat Lawal
Zuliat Lawal is an imperfect mum just like YOU juggling marriage, parenting, work, and business. She experiences the day to day challenges of parenting 2 kids who inspire her daily.
She is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and the Founder of Liamanah, an Islamic Parenting Hub which advocates parenting following Islamic and Positive Discipline principles.
Zuliat is the author of the Mommy’s Dua Book which uses the most beautiful 99 names of Allah to word Duas for our children (available for purchase on Amazon); creator of the Positive Parenting for Muslim Women Online Course as well as the Parenting for Jannah Academy; a membership site which is focused specifically on empowering Muslim women with the knowledge and skills to implement Islamic and Positive Discipline principles to raise the next generation of Muslims.
